The first time with a new sexual partner can be great if there is some clarifications. Talking about sex is a rare skill and is usually not learned at school or at home.
Sex is such a taboo subject that it can be difficult to deal with. Not communicating about sex, however, can put both your health and your fun at risk. Here are some things you need to be able to talk about having healthy, safe and enjoyable sex.
The first time with a new sexual partner #1 – Safe sex
Before you start being sexual with a new lover, be sure to talk about your recent sexual history and any precautions that may be needed to keep sex between you safe. This will allow you to make good decisions about how to proceed sexually.
It is important that both partners understand how sexually transmitted diseases are transmitted and how transmission can be prevented. It is also important to assess the degree of risk that any of you may unknowingly have a sexually transmitted disease (STD).
The first time with a new sexual partner #2 – Suggested questions
Here are some of the topics covered in a good discussion on safe sex:
- Do you have any STDs that you know?
- Have you recently been tested for STDs?
- What infections were tested and when?
- What sexual activity have you had since the last test?
- Have bodily fluids been exchanged in this activity?
- What sexual activities do you want to exclude for safety reasons?
Always keep in mind that ensuring your sexual health is at your own risk. Even covering these topics will not ensure that your partner has been completely open or accurate in their responses. The risks are particularly high with new sexual partners, with whom you may not have had time to build trust.
Remember: Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) are infectious diseases transmitted by the exchange of body fluids – semen, blood, saliva – during vaginal, oral or anal sex. It is possible to have an STD and have no symptoms. You or your lover may not be aware that you have an infection.
The first time with a new sexual partner #3 – Preconditions
Everyone has preconditions for sex. They include things like being with the right person, being in an appropriate relationship, among other things. Everyone has their own personal set of preconditions.
Some people have a short list. They are ready for almost anything, anytime, anywhere, with anyone. Others may have a longer list. Nobody’s list is wrong. Knowing their preconditions for sex and having them satisfied make sex and orgasms much more satisfying. So letting your partner know about your preconditions can improve your sexual relationship.
The first time with a new sexual partner #4 – Saying what you want
In order for you to have your sexual desires fulfilled, you need to be able to say whatever you want. This requires knowing what you want and having the confidence to ask. Sometimes you may not be sure what you want. Consider asking your partner to help you explore what makes you feel good. Experiment with what each one of you likes.
Maybe you know exactly what you want, but you’re afraid to ask for it. If this is the case, you may need to first share your vulnerable feelings and ask your partner to be sensitive to their feelings around their desires.
Sharing wishes and longings can make you feel vulnerable, but it is the way to have them satisfied. Since it is clear that you need your partner to be sensitive to the wishes you are about to express, it may be easier to talk about them.
The first time with a new sexual partner #5 – Give and receive feedback
Giving and receiving feedback is an art, and it can take a great deal of practice. It is essential to learn this art in order to get the most out of your sexual encounters. In general, it is best when feedback is delivered clearly and responsibly, but not excessively.
Complaining, blaming, and shaming never goes well. It works much better to ask clearly what you want, rather than telling your partner what he is doing wrong. When giving feedback, make sure that it comes out as a request, not a lawsuit.
Your lover does not want to feel like he’s being ordered. If you want your lover to keep trying to please you, then be gentle with your feedback. Try not to be defensive.
The first time with a new sexual partner #6 – Dynamics of sexual relations
Intimate sexual relationships have the potential to be the deepest and most satisfying relationships you can have. They can also be the scariest.
Some patterns commonly occur and are worth identifying so you can better deal with them. Follow these tips when meeting a new sexual partner and have the best experiences possible.